Yesterday I received a notification from the cafe I part-time barista at which said "congratulations Sheridan you have been with ______ cafe for 5 months!"
That message got me thinking - I moved out of my pop-up camper into this temporary furnished rental house and started work the same week. Meaning, I have been in this space officially for 5 months, a significant thing for 2 reasons:
- My time here was only supposed to be 10 weeks long.
- I have not spent this much time in one single space since the fall of 2013 - minus me being home, injured, and the time I built my camper van in North Dakota.
This past summer was a flurry of finishing a big travel trip, which ended with me living in Bali with my favorite roommates and homies. To building a dream 2003 pop-up tent camper (thanks parents), bat rabies, and camping photography clients - all leading to the fall and winter on the island. The town I work in is like 1,000 people and I live in a rural community outside of that.
My current lease is extended until July and as winter is slowly shaking itself off I have some big decisions to make soon.
Reflecting back on these months, I spent the first bit learning the ropes at the cafe and I dove deeper into being a barista with an online school, to help support my coffee love and obsession. For those who don't know I started my own coffee brand called ADVNTR Coffee after I attended the Specialty Coffee Association school for roasting and sensory development.
Finding a good swing at the cafe I then settled in to de-stressing my nervous system and became a winter homebody. I didn't realize how jacked up I was from all the uncertainties in life the past handful of years - I've been on a healing journey for a while now.
After about 3 months I could really tell how much tension I let go from being in one stable space with all the basic amenities I need and a consistent paycheck. (Even last time, when I tried to settle in 2023, I lived in 4 places...before hitting the road again.)
The past month or two I have been getting overwhelmed by longer term life plans - which resulted into me falling back into some negative emotional thoughts and mindset. (Partially due to my entrepreneur situation and the fact that I am quite isolated as well.) The cafe I work at is high paced - good interaction with customers - but I work alone, which is stressful. I don't have any friends and my partner has been gone for over a month, hence the super isolated-ness. Plus it's winter season with short days and rain clouds. I can feel my escapism wanting nature, movement, and avoidance.
By shifting into this low vibration state the past few weeks I lost track of ambitions and structure - letting the overwhelm win out. Even though this is the most stable my life has been in years, that stability has show me what I still lack and brought about uncertainty as well. Life is hard to get by as a part-time barista, rent and bills are an expensive transition compared to travel accommodation abroad or living out of a camper. Also coming to terms with yet another isolating life situation has me looking inward at what I'm doing to end up lacking community or connection so often.
On top of that, weighing on my mind is a pivotal decision regarding a goal I set out to accomplish for 2025.
Spring ambitions and Turkey
Back in December I used my airline miles to book a roundtrip flight to Turkey.
I have had this thought on my mind for the past 6 years - to go back and attempt the same hiking trail which I shattered my foot on. The 10 year anniversary of that injury is coming up in May. I talked with my partner, started training, and organizing thoughts of how I would make this happen and what I would need to do to succeed.
But a few weeks ago alone at home the inkling mindset creeped in that I don't know if I can do the hike, or even if it was right for me....before I go deeper into that, here is a nice backstory for those going wtf is he talking about? This is snippet from a proposal I sent out to a brand about a grant for the Turkey hike. I have omitted some things and cut it down but the main mindset of my past 10 years is here:
Hey, I’m Sheridan - an actively adventurous person, traveler and photographer. I have been living an out-of-the-box lifestyle these past twelve years BUT soon to be ten years ago I shattered my foot attempting a 35+ day thru-hike in Turkey. Little did I know at the time - that event would shape the internal story of myself for this past decade. Which is why in May 2025 I am heading back to Turkey to start fresh and attempt this multi-week long endeavor again. Closing a decade of dialogue and belief which became a defining cornerstone to my life, both personally and professionally.
Shattering my foot in Turkey and failing the hike is a thing in itself but what really seeped into my bones was the mental framework following it. We attract what we put out to the world and our emotional energy shapes what is drawn to us. Both consciously and subconsciously. I have learned a lot these past ten years and I see setting off to Turkey again as a cathartic release, while being immersed in my highest truth of capturing adventure. In January of 2024 I completed a 14 day hike along the Portuguese coast. During that hike it brought forth clarity and joy to my life along with the inkling to attempt this Turkey trek again. I mention that because I finally feel like I have found my unbound-self and the passion with which I want to frame my time moving forward on this planet.
Not to go into the full breadth of my past decade’s journey but that injury set me up for a year spent in-and-out of casts, two years of daily electronic bone stimulation machines, surgery and metal plate talk, plus all the other aspects of having a severe injury not heal properly on an otherwise young, healthy adult. The overwhelm of those first few years spent injured paralleled with launching a creative career with my partner. But my emotional energy was off and I missed the signs that the Universe was trying to share to me after Turkey. Being its rad ambivalent self - neither positive nor negative - those signs from the Universe subsequently became louder and louder until I was forced to truly stop and be like wow, okay what am I supposed to be learning? Two years following Turkey, still struggling with that injury, I preemptively went traveling again with my partner in a hurry to start our creative vision together. I ended up with more broken bones in the Cook Islands and then shortly after I was caught in a severe Tuk-Tuk taxi accident in Thailand where I had to be emergency flighted back to the USA. Needless to say negative energy attracts negative energy and over a span of more years I lost my partner, then myself to depression, isolation, lack of self-worth, and loneliness.
I say that not to gain sympathy but for context that only time is the true the healer. Even if we think that time will never come, it does and I envision my 2025 Turkey experience as one which I can share what I have learned over this decade, through visuals and growth. It is easy to be caught up in an internal story or certain mind-frame and yet if we look closely enough we can see the Universe at work with synchronicity to our true calling and desire. That synchronicity paralleled those experiences this past decade, as each time when I was lacking belief another nudge showed up.
Insightful right? The gist is that our thoughts are the most powerful thing in this world. They LITERALLY create our reality. Our mental perspective can shift how we interpret our day to day life, how we see ourselves, frame the past, and set the future.
Right now I am having doubts if heading to Turkey for 2 months is the proper path for me. One fear is what will I do when I get back, quitting my barista job to take two months off and return without knowing where I will work or what work I can find is scary. This is the first time where I would be leaving the country with proper bills to pay while I am gone, so the looming overwhelm of rent and such to handle is becoming more of a dealbreaker than assumed back in December. Also add in the general desire to keep putting proper work into my ambitions since I have capacity the next few months for that. I am torn between committing to near term focus as an entrepreneur or with this stable house try to find a more normal job with 40 hours...which is hard to come by on this small island.
What I do know is that overwhelm doesn't help either situation and I guess by writing this down I feel like I have a voice and offer myself the sense of creation that I have been lacking the past few weeks. Hitting send is the little kickstart to dive deeper into presenting my passions through connection. I also feel uncertainty if being disconnect for for two months in Turkey is truly what I crave, I live for adventure but maybe all I needed were the thoughts of true closure and be open to the deeper process of letting go of my past - my conscious and subconscious to finally shift my identity and move forward.
Another part coming to the surface is that I could spend these two spring months hiking in naturing around Washington State, still have my nature passion while working at the cafe and on my projects - compared to an isolated solo hike across a foreign country. (but man the adventure)
There are a lot of aspects I have to consider, and also give a little trust to the Universe and my gut and see what pans out over the next few weeks.
Anyway that's a hefty what's up! Let's see how I go with organizing my thoughts in email form, let me know if you enjoyed reading this or what you might be interested in hearing about moving forward. Feel free to send a reply or add me to your address book so you don't miss the next one, incase it hits your spam folder.
Cheers
Sheridan